“I’ve had as much of this as I can
take. One more minute of this dense reading and my eyes will permanently glaze
over and my soul will crawl out of my skin.” My brain screamed and threw a
tantrum like an incited two year old. I could no longer abate the feelings of
irritation pooling inside my head and seeping onto my desk like a thick
unstoppable oil spill.
The irritation was severed by the
trickle of raindrops condensing against my window and the physical lack of will
power to trudge through yet another monotonous reading assignment about the
detriments of the education system or the benefits of backward design, or
whatever it was that I was presently torturing myself with.
My attention returned to the droplets
that were weaving and smashing against the panes of glass. They collided as if
hoping that their sheer numbers would permit them to break through.
I slumped out of my chair and riffled
through my closet to retrieve my raincoat saturated in the color of
Pepto-Bismol. My plaid and emerald rain boots stood at attention by the door,
as if they were trying to make an escape. The raincoat felt icy and slick as it
skimmed along the bare skin of my arms leaving a trail of raised bumps. The
rain boots echoed a suction cup sound as I treaded along the tile floor.
On my way out the door I caught a
glimpse of myself in the mirror and I was reminded of an x-ray machine. The transparent
quality of the raincoat revealed my pajamas underneath in all of their floral
glory. In all honest I looked like a disheveled leprechaun that pulled an
all-nighter at a party and was puked on by a rainbow. But there was not time to
contemplate my wardrobe, not while there was rain dancing and puddle jumping and
freedom waiting beyond the walls of my study session prison.
This piece is unfinished, so I would love any suggestions about how to continue/finish the piece. Also I am unhappy with the title, so any ideas are greatly appreciated. If there is anything that doesn't make sense or is too wordy let me know. I look forward to the feedback!
ReplyDeleteHi Blakelee, What a lovely piece! I love so many aspects of this writing, particularly your descriptors, e.g. "droplets weaving and smashing"!
ReplyDeleteI love the line about your rain boots lined up "as if they were trying to make an escape." I can see them with the toes closest to the door, but I'm not sure about the color(s). Is there another color besides emerald?
I'm not sure where it goes from here. You could describe the joy of dancing in the rain, splashing in puddles. As far as the title, you could call it Puddle Dancing Escape or Escape: Puddle Dancing.
Hope this helps. It's a beautiful piece of writing!
Betsy :-)
This was amazing!! And so relatable! I especially like your comment about how "your soul will crawl out of your skin." What a great way to describe your frustration and contempt for all this work we are putting ourselves through. I also love how you begin the piece with angst and end with "rain dancing and puddle jumping." Your comparison to a leprechaun is also very funny. I know you mentioned you would like ideas on how to finish it. I like the ending as is. It leaves the reader to imagine your adventure in the rain. Your last sentence is so powerful and descriptive and "freeing." Great work! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is great! As I write my comment it is raining outside my window and all I want to do right now is escape my homework responsibilities so I can play around outside! I enjoyed reading your talented writing on the torturous ways of studying...I can relate write now! I don't find it to be too wordy like you said, but it could use a certain joy element. I'm sure as you add to this you will reach the point where you go outside and have a blast! That's my only suggestion as this is a great piece of reading for a student who is stuck inside doing homework all day like myself! Thanks for Sharing!
ReplyDeleteCody