Thursday, April 7, 2016

Untitled Picturebook

* I thought I would give the picture book a shot this week, since we need one for our portfolio. I don't have illustrations yet, but below you will find the words for my picture book. The numbers at the bottom of each box indicate the page numbers for the picture book. I don't have a title yet, so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I would love any feedback or changes that you have to offer that will help make this picture book better. Thanks!

Bernadine and Hailen were no strangers to moving.




1
They were used to the constant motion of the car.

It was like being a sailor riding the waves out at sea.

2
With each move the two sisters would take their posts, spreading out in the backseat. One on the right and the other on the left.


3
Bernadine always in an unusual hat. Hailen always displaying mismatched socks.

Ready for the next journey.

4
They were used to living out of boxes and suitcases piled high like the peaks of mountains.


5
Trekking to the top to retrieve gloves, or headphones, or a stuffed bear. And hoping that there would not be a cardboard avalanche.

6
Down the coast and back up again.

Watching the landscape change in a blur.

7
Their home was the wind, wide open fields, forests of trees, and tires singing on the road.


8
That is until the day they rolled down the dusty farm drive.

They came to a stop in front of a red barn door and were greeted by smiles, hugs, llamas, and hay.

9
Aunt and Uncle Pfaffer’s farm was a pass through. A dot on a map. Another place to rest and refuel.




10
At that moment Bernadine and Hailen did not realize that the farm would lead to home.

11
…Or at least the farm would lead to the home under the stairs.


12

Upon looking at the stairs they appeared like any ordinary set of stairs, in any neighborhood, in any house.



13

Made of wood and nails and carpet and railing.

The kind of stairs that creek and growl when they are walked on.

14
But under the stairs was a cubby sized door with a brass knob in the shape of an elephant.

15
And beyond the door were infinite possibilities and the promise of a world that felt of home.

16
The first time that Bernadine and Hailen swung open the door and gazed inside they discovered the comfort and magic of the place under the stairs.


17
No adult
No parent
No aunt or uncle
seemed shocked or concerned about what the two sisters and discovered.

18
It is as if they knew it was there all along. As if they had once experienced its’ magic.

19
And were waiting for the girls to stumble on the door and name the world behind as their home.

20
Every time that Bernadine and Hailen turned the brass elephant knob, peeled open the cubby sized door and crawled inside there was a unfamiliar world to explore.

There was a tire swing that hurled them straight to the craters of the moon.

21
There was a Chinese restaurant that served nothing but noodles and dumplings, while firecrackers banged and dragons danced.  





22
There was a dog the size of a grizzly bear with black and white cow spots that ate whole turkeys in one gulp and decorated cakes.


23
There were rows and rows of bushes heavy with white clusters of flowers. Bernadine and Hailen would pluck them and the flowers would turn to snowballs in their hands. Ripe for a snowball fight as the ground turned to powder and ice.
24
There were fire walkers and rebar benders that put on fanciful shows and bowed for the audience.


25
There were cats that dressed in disguise. Masquerading as opossums and playing hide and seek among Douglas Fir trees and Scotch Broom.

26
There was a rock pile made of glass that swallowed shoes and socks and led to a creek running amber with honey.



27
There was a moose that lived in an apple tree and threw green and red fruit at unwanted visitors. Bernadine and Hailen would gather the scattered fruit to make apple pie.

28
There was a field full of fairies who whispered and whirled and grew marshmallows to be harvested for roasting on an open fire.


29
And a llama named Marshall that befriended Bernadine and Hailen. He greeted them with a kiss on the cheek, a “How do you do?” and served as their guide in the world under the stairs.

30
When the day was done and the sun would begin to nod off to sleep Bernadine and Hailen would reappear from behind the door to join their family and hold tight the anticipation in their stomachs until they could return again.




31
They had forgotten the mountain of boxes, the singing tires, and the whipping of wind.

Moving was no longer a familiar companion, but more a hazy memory.

Bernadine and Hailen had found a place, a world, their home under the stairs.

32

7 comments:

  1. I can hardly wait to read the book with pictures! You have such a wonderful gift with words. Your descriptions are delicious! I love how you brought closure by reflecting that moving was a "hazy memory," and at the same time contrasted that with the home under the stairs.
    I had a couple of thoughts as I read:
    On page 2, do you need the word "out?"
    page 11: at what moment? can you be more specific?
    There may be a typo on page 18. It doesn't make sense as it is.
    The story is terrific! Again, I can hardly wait to see it all put together!
    Betsy

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    1. I reread your story. I had forgotten to comment on the use of alliteration. Perfect! Still love it!

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    2. I reread your story. I had forgotten to comment on the use of alliteration. Perfect! Still love it!

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  3. Betsy,

    Thanks for the feedback. I will definitely delete the word "out" on page 2. You're right, there is a typo on page 18. It should say "had discovered" instead of "and discovered."

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  4. Blakelee,
    This should be published! I mean, for real, published! It is fantastic! As I was reading, I couldn't help but envision it in a picture book and being read aloud to a group of eager students. Betsy is right....you have such a gift with words! Your use of imagery is outstanding. I loved how you described all the things under the stairs in the closet as if they were entire new worlds to discover. I, like Betsy, am SO excited to see this with illustrations. I am curious...where did you get the idea for this? Is it from a special childhood memory perhaps?

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  5. Hey Blakelee!

    Sorry for the late comment. It's been a long week. First of all, I love this!!!!! It speaks so well to the student audience that is used to moving all the time. My mom had a childhood quite similar to this, where most of her memories are from the car she spent most of her time in. I enjoy the word selection for slide 8. It made me think of all the fun road trips I've been on. I saw a little typo on slid 18 where and should be had*. I wish I was an artist because I can see the awesome illustrations that would fit into each slide. This would have taken me a long time to write! I'm really impressed! Thanks for sharing!

    Cody

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